i am not my hair.

i just felt like i needed to say something.

greetings friends. the year is 2013 and i am writing to you from johannesburg, south africa. the reason for this blog post is because, as a black feminist, i feel like i'm constantly being bombarded with people telling me what i must and mustn't do, but instead of 'patriarchy/misogyny' being the reason, it has morphed into this new 'race-ideology vs western imperialism' struggle. all of which i am getting really sick. and annoyed. so today, my readers as my witness, i hope to succinctly put out my point of view on hair and stuff.

random disclaimer: this blog post is an opinion. omg. i know right.

so let's start when i was a kid. my mom relaxed my hair before i even knew what it meant, and even back then, she was not doing it to whiten me up. lil wayne was not joking when he said, "tougher than nigerian hair," as i was both blessed and cursed with having a lot of it. so, as a child and into my pubescence, hair relaxer was a means of manageability. and then because my sister was blessed with long hair and i was not, i was always so jealous of her hair so i had long braids. i have always been tall (even a bit pudgy) for my age, so long hair made me feel better. it was about self esteem.

but then, in july 2009, i decided that my hair was not working out, so i merely cut it off and used protective hairstyles such as braids to maintain it. but in the december of 2009 when i was in nigeria for a wedding, i wanted to get a weave. why? because how nice would it be to have long hair that was actually hair, and not physically braided? so i got one. it was cheap, about 14 inches, black, but i felt nice - like i had hair (seeing as i basically didn't at that point, something i was quite self conscious about).

but like those pair of shoes you had been pining over or that boy you had your eye on but never spoken to, the minute you own them, you get excited... then you get over it. or even worse, mr dream boy opens his mouth and that shatters your entire fantasy. the same experience with my weave. i got over the hype and took it out, yet i was pleased with the growth my hair had managed while it was completely covered by the weave (contrary to popular belief, not all weaves eat your hairline. style and quality changes things). then i alternated - black braids, purple and black braids, a short weave, ginger and black braids, purple and black braids, then black black black black black... and that catches us up to july 2012.

after countless abuse (verbal and scalpal) from my various hairdressers about my incredibly dense and unnatural natural hair, i decided that i wanted to make it straight, i.e. relax it. it would not only allow me to have a well deserved break between braidings, it would also lessen my physical pain when it comes the time for my hair to be blown out. so i relaxed it. and truth be told, i didn't think much of it. my mom made a bigger deal about it because now she'll have to pay for my hair to be relaxed, and that was about my only obstruction, even if i only relax it ever 4+ months now.

you see, to me, my hair is just that. hair. it is not a political statement, it is not a symbol of my enslavement to capitalism and western imperialism, it is not my best efforts to change races because of white supremacy - it is the thing on my head with which i can do just about whatever i want.

ever since i relaxed it, i've had it cut a bit, a half weave-extensions type thingie, i've had box braids (a few times, word to solange), short box braids, twists, longer twists, and even my natural hair out. in the past week, i've had three completely different hairstyles just because i can.

i enjoy doing whatever i feel to my hair because i am not defined by it. sure, other people may define me by it in their ability to recognize me, but i look no further into it. so please understand my frustration when i see twitter-feminist-evangelists preaching their own type of gospel claiming that relaxing and weaving my hair shows my hatred of my own race, destruction of my own hair and my acquiescence into a western imperialistic society.

these are the feminists who bother me because they will preach equality and free choice for women to men, but then shame their fellow women for their own choices in their own lives. one thing these women need to understand is that i am not you. your racial insecurities are not my racial insecurities. your hair experiences are not my hair experiences. your reasons for doing your hair are not my reasons. so don't you dare tell me why i am doing what i am doing to my body and why it is wrong. if i hate my own race so much because i wear a weave, please explain to me why i have braids on my head? my hair does not show my racial inferiority complex.

understand this clearly: women wear the hair that suits them and their personal lives. even if you are against relaxed hair, who gave you the right to shame me for wearing it? it's easier for my student lifestyle where i don't have the time or strength or pain threshold to pull my natural hair out every morning and don't know how to properly maintain my natural hair, so i'll be doing it more harm than good by keeping it. but apparently now because you believe it, i must do more damage to my hair by mismanaging it than doing what i can do best for it?

as a feminist, you are entitled to have your own opinion, but please respect my choices, especially as your fellow woman. we share the same struggle as women - do not make us enemies over hair. respect my beliefs. respect my life and do not, do not shame me for my decisions in my life. do not make accusations and prescriptions for me. my life is mine, it belongs to me. at least respect my right to choose for myself.

i yearn for the day that i can make a decision about my hair without it being linked to race or a particular political statement. maybe in 2014.

so i close off in the words of india.arie:
"i am not my hair, i am not this skin. 
i am not your expectations, no, no. 
i am not my hair, i am not this skin - 
i am the soul that lives within."

be fabulous with whatever hair you have, just because it's yours. revel in it. embrace it. shine bright like a diamond. and if you don't like it, find the strength to start again. it's just hair.